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5 Facts Of Being A Mommy That Will Make You Belly Laugh

Look at that cute baby! His pudgy face is beyond adorable. And the way he says ‘Gu-gu-ga-ga’? I have no idea what he’s trying to communicate, but I’m in love. I bet his mother feels the same – at least I know I would if I were her.

Well, cue to a few years later and I AM her, at least with the ‘having a baby’ part. Who am I kidding, of course I also love my child to bits. Motherhood took me to places of my heart I never knew they existed and it made me do things I never thought I would, like staying all day in my yoga pants without feeling any remorse. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. OK, maybe I do regret all those instances I am running around like a headless chicken so that I won’t be more than 30 minutes late or those uncomfortable moments when I have to stick my fingers in unpleasant substances and LITERALLY do the dirty work. But the best part is that I developed a new, refreshing sense of humor and that there is fun to be found in midst of the chaos. Here are 5 fun facts about being a Mom:

1) Showering, dressing up and putting your makeup on won’t take more than 10 minutes

Remember the times when you were young and restless, going on dates and preparing rigorously for that moment? Trying 5 dresses on until finding the one which fit the best, putting your lipstick on and wiping it off a zillion times, because you slightly missed the corner of your mouth, or just taking long enough showers to be able to think about the meaning of life? Well, post-kids you can forget about it. Taking your clothes off to enter the shower will actually take more than the shower itself. As for choosing the fanciest dress which perfectly matches your stylish shoes? Having kids helped you develop a new fashion style called: I’ll-just-open-the-closet-and-dress-with-whatever-I-grab-first. And the lipstick slightly missing the edge? Ain’t nobody got time for that, baby started crying.

2) The baby monitor is both your best friend and your worst enemy

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It’s amazing how a tiny device can tell you so much about what your baby is doing and how you can keep an eye on him without actually keeping an eye on him. Except, you do keep an eye on him, because you are a paranoid freak. After hearing your baby’s cries so often that you would be able to distinguish them among thousands, you get to the point where you’re actually imagining sounds. “This can’t be right. The baby monitor hasn’t reported anything for the past 5 minutes. WHAT SORCERY IS THIS? Surely this thing is broken and I need to go to my baby’s rescue!”. Then, you just come to the realization that baby is actually – gasp! – SLEEPING!

Other times, you think that the baby monitor is overreacting. You see, it’s not that there is something wrong with it, but you always have to be reminded of that. “Wait, is this in real time? I literally just left baby’s room and now baby’s crying AGAIN?”.

3) If you don’t get your coffee, you literally can’t function like a normal human being

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Being a mommy is tough, but it would be tougher without your daily coffee. God bless caffeine! Otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to wake up at 5 AM (whether you like it or not), make breakfast, help your children solve the mystery of the great sock disappearance, take them to school, clean the house, do errands, brainstorm for your job, pick them up, prepare dinner and spend an hour trying to convince them to sleep without having to kiss all their plush toys before that.

4) You will learn a bunch of lyrics from songs you totally loathe

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Road trips with the kids are hard enough, but can you imagine having to endure never-ending hours of songs your children absolutely love, just because you forgot to hide that CD and pretend it got lost? Gah, if only they had great taste – I mean, it wouldn’t be too shabby if they would make you listen to Guns N’ Roses instead, but nooooooo! They like a bunch of songs that make no sense at all, like the ‘5 Little Pumpkins Sitting On A Gate’. What does that even mean? And of course, after a while, you just start singing along, because the melody and lyrics are so easy to follow. “But mom, I thought you hated it!”. If they only knew that you even started singing them when they are not around. And sure, “Let It Go” is catchy enough, but do we really have to play it on loop 120 times in a day?

5) “No!” easily becomes your most frequently-used word

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“No, you can’t eat your hair!”. “No, you can’t have ice cream for breakfast!”. “No, you can’t take your pants off in public!”. “No, you can’t get married now – you’re only 6!”. And, of course, the classic “NO, you can’t watch TV until midnight!”.

Sure, most of these facts become funny after you are done going through them. That moment when kids are already asleep and you are sitting on the couch, with a glass of wine, exhausted – that’s the moment you have a chuckle over your own mom shenanigans.

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A community of parents and parenting experts, who like to think that they are know-it-alls when it comes to raising children. Yet, they still have the occasional question marks above their heads, when their children suddenly ask them why aren't they allowed to chew on their socks. But they DO have more parenting answers than questions, which they are happy to share with the world in an informative, charming and funny manner. On Mum.info you can find out what you are doing wrong as a parent, how to do it right and how to embrace the failures.
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