The moment you make eye contact with your baby – that’s the moment when you finally understand the meaning of life and the meaning of your own existence in this life. The beauty and craziness of it is hard to be explained, probably because between the soreness, numbness and happiness you feel at the same time, you are not that sure of what is happening either. It just is…and it’s wonderful. Mostly wonderfully mad, but wonderful nonetheless. As you take your baby home and try to convince yourself that it’s really yours, you also begin to panic when you realize that there are no instructions and no call centers that can help you when you have a ‘mom malfunction’. To help you out, here are some of the things you need to do, for a healthy mom-child relationship.
1) HAVE PATIENCE
No, your children will probably not turn the TV off the first time you ask them to. They might not eat that salad right away and they might also forget to take their shoes off when entering the house, after playing in the mud. They might eat spaghetti with their hands, instead of using forks. They might hit each other, each claiming that the other one started it. When all these things happen, remember to breathe in and out. Remember that sometimes not even the remote control turns the device on with the first push and you need to try it again and again (or just change the batteries). But the word you are looking for here is patience. Patience does wonders and patience is what helps you deal with otherwise stressful situations with a clear head. Trying to reason with a child when you are in SHE-HULK mode will have the opposite effect, because when you are angry, children pay attention to the tone of your voice, instead of your actual words (link parenting tips). Instead, aim to be as cool as a cucumber, keeping in the back of your head the idea that monkey see monkey do – you are your children’s role model. 2) NEVER COMPARE YOUR CHILD TO OTHERS
Each child is unique. By wanting him/her to be like other children, even though you express that wish in the heat of the moment, you increase the chances of him/her becoming an adult with lingering complexes. Even if you don’t use those exact words, you are basically telling him/her that following the herd is the way to go and as history taught us, the herd is always the average and if you are like the average, you might never make great things in life. There is hardly a phrase more harmful than “Why can’t you be more like ____?!?”, because for a mistake your children made, you are discrediting all their positive traits, by telling them that they are not good enough. Embrace the quirkiness of your children and when disciplining is necessary, never bring other people into the equation. 3) TRY TO UNDERSTAND YOUR CHILD’S TANTRUMS
Tantrums are every parent’s nightmare, but here is the thing: when your child starts screaming, it’s not always a sign of begging for attention (link our article Bailey). Many times, the tantrums are a sign of an underlying issue. If your child tells you: YOU ARE THE WORST MOMMY EVER!, even if you scream internally “WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!?”, focus on the root of the problem and not on the words themselves. Is your child angry because of your “No pizza for breakfast” ban? Then work through this together and explain why you decided on that. Show that you understand the anger and frustration and let your child know that you are listening. 4) SOMETIMES WHAT THEY WANT IS NOT WHAT THEY NEED
“But mom, I NEED THAT!” is familiar territory, right? When they are infants, they mostly ask (scream) for things they need – food, potty, sleep. When they grow older, the line between wanting and needing gets a tad blurred. However, being a mommy means that you have a sixth sense which tells you when your kids are bluffing. Here is the thing – their needs don’t require anything in exchange, while what they demand should be granted based on merits – and financial possibilities, of course, because children have a talent to always wish the most expensive things. Do children need to eat? Yes. Do they need to go swimming? Sure, why not? Do they need the latest iPhone 6S? Say what? 5) NEVER LET YOUR CHILDREN WITNESS TENSION BETWEEN ADULTS
Children’s memory, while sometimes selective (“I totally forgot I wasn’t allowed to play on my tablet today!”), is incredibly powerful. They remember what they see, what you do, what you say, especially when you are involved in a heated argument. Never let them participate in adult talk and whatever issues you might have with someone, try to solve them behind the door, in a civilized manner, for their sake. Sometimes it’s unavoidable to feel frustrated or angry and you want to vent it all out, but, as clichéd as it sounds, always think before you talk. Think of where you are, with whom you are and who else might listen. 6) SHARE THE LOVE
Even if they get over the ‘constant and random hugging’ phase, keep the tradition going. Let them know (even if they know) how much you love them and do kiss their cheek even if they will wipe it off, because “Mom, it’s so uncool!”. Never mind that internally, they thank you for that. What is the most important lesson you learned as a mommy? [cta id=’2866′]
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